Ready or Not, Here We Go…

Even though I’m not that anxious to date, I’m having more success with meeting people than he is. I hung out with the girl from church a couple days ago. It was fun, and we might become friends, but I’m honestly not sexually attracted to her and don’t see our friendship going to that level. I’ve also exchanged e-mails with a couple of other cute girls, and hope to meet up with one of them soon.

My Love and Me

My Love and Me

He talked to a girl, too, and had a tentative plan to meet up with her on Friday. When he told me about talking to her, he said it made him nervous to think about meeting up with another girl. I asked, “Are you any more nervous than you were before, when I didn’t know?” He said it makes him more nervous now that I know about it. Then he told me he doesn’t want to do it alone, he wants me to be there too. He wants the sex and the emotional support. I understand, but to be honest it makes me nervous to think about just being there while he’s having sex or getting a blow job from another girl. I’ve always been a part of the experience and don’t know what it would be like to just be an observer.

But the plan to meet this weekend is off, because his family is leaving to visit his aunt in Fresno on Friday afternoon and will be back Sunday. Because of his business, he doesn’t often get to take trips like this, and I know his family is looking forward to spending some time together because they haven’t been all together in a while (in fact, the last time he took a trip like this was back in mid-May, Mother’s Day weekend, and when he came back after being gone for two days, we had amazing sex that resulted in the conception of the child I’m currently carrying).

Him being gone means he won’t be here to run his business and I will take over for a couple of days. Scary! I don’t know much about car stereos and window tinting, but hopefully I won’t have to do too much talking. Thank goodness for Skype.

It also means I’m sleeping by myself for the first time in months! Last time we spent the night apart was the last time I asked him for a night alone, when what I really wanted was a couple of hours by myself, but I didn’t communicate it correctly. We ended up both being miserable, lonely and frustrated that night.



This time, however, I might see if one of the girls I’ve been talking to is up for a date on Friday or Saturday. One of the girls I’m talking to is also pregnant, just a month behind me, and would be wonderful to hang out with. I’ll still probably sleep alone but that’s not the worst thing in the world. At least I’ll have Thor, our Blue Nose Pit Bull, who reminds me so much of Johnny (they both have giant craniums and need constant attention).

The time apart will be good for us, and for his family, I’m sure. I’ve been pretty overwhelmed being with him 24/7 and asked if I could spend more time at home, so I can clean and shave my legs and meditate, and other things I don’t have time to do. This weekend I’ll have lots of time for whatever I want to do.

This will be a good time for us to find out what we do without each other, with all the freedom to do what we want. Let’s see what happens!