It’s been a busy couple of weeks, which is why I haven’t posted anything. We ended up moving at the beginning of this month, and although it wasn’t a huge ordeal it was still a good amount of work that had to be done. I came to San Diego 18 months ago with two suitcases stuffed with clothes, books and art, and I haven’t acquired much more since. The small yellow room in the big house in lovely Bonita is where I met all of the people I know here, including the man I love, and it will always be special to me. But it’s not exactly the environment in which to raise a child, so my boyfriend’s parents kindly let us take over the rent on their house and decided to move to Tijuana to save money. The way things work out perfectly like this always blows my mind.
However much a blessing this is, it’s also tripling our housing expenses so we have been very focused on the business. I am still waiting on unemployment and while I am theoretically “self employed” I haven’t quite figured out the how to get work just yet. But things are looking up, and we are working on other streams of income, such as running a booth at some swap meets around town and selling off old inventory, some of his mom’s garage sale finds that are collecting in the garage, and even seasonal knick knacks that can be bought online for wholesale prices.
On top of that, I caught a cold when I had to go to the doctor’s office for my ultrasound last week and I’m just now feeling above 90%. Also, sleep has been difficult because our female dog is in heat and the male can’t get enough (just like his owner). If we keep them together he will try to have sex all night, and if we keep them apart he whines all night.
We are both exhausted from the stresses of life, so it seems that meeting a girl is on the back burner for both of us, and we both seem to be O.K. with that. I think I was more concerned with him meeting someone than he was, because I’m worried I won’t be able to satisfy him sexually for much longer since I’m so tired. But he’s not worried.
We have had a “couple profile” on OKCupid and have not met anyone except the girl I already knew from church. I was trying to convince him to make his own profile so that he could talk to girls on his own, because the profile on there is more me than him. He didn’t say much about it when I brought it up. So I asked the question in the polyamory group on Facebook and got responses saying that separate profiles are the way to go.
When I told him about the response, and asked him again if he wanted to make his own profile, he told me that he didn’t want to. He said if he meets someone then he would let me know, but he’s not that interested in “finding someone.” I think a lot of times it’s just boredom that drives him to want to have sex with other girls, combined with a need for variety (which are kind of the same thing). I totally get that. My need for variety is combined with a need for being wanted, but variety is not at the top of the priorities right now.
His parents came from visiting family in El Paso with a huge bin of baby girl clothes and other essential playthings for our little Eva. That’s on our mind, and it’s hard for me to feel sexual when she is constantly kicking me. Also on our minds are his siblings who are, for now, staying in the parents’ house with us, and all of the relationships and drama that go along with them. They have been helpful with cleaning and cooking and helping with the dogs so I don’t mind them staying, but other issues still need to be resolved to have a peaceful household.
We’re not exactly putting a hold on polyamory, at least as far as I’m concerned, although we may not be actively searching for a girlfriend. The fact that the barriers are down between us and we can communicate with each other about our wants and needs is the best thing that’s happened to us. Our relationship has changed so much and we are both happier. Even if we don’t have a girlfriend by the time the baby is here, we will both live, and we will deal with the challenges as they come with honesty and openness.