Down with Online Dating

The weekend apart was not what I was hoping for but exactly what I expected. Johnny and his family left in the RV Friday afternoon, leaving me and the dog at his shop. Other than having to talk to a few customers on Friday and Saturday morning, I didn’t have much to do running the business except sit here and watch Netflix while the painter worked on a couple of jobs he needed to finish.

I didn’t go out with anyone, meet any of the girls I’ve been talking to, or even get a response to sending them my phone number and telling them my boyfriend is out of town and I wanted to hang out. Which reminds me of something I knew but hoped wasn’t true:

The internet was wrong?Meeting people online SUCKS.

I don’t care what dating site or service or group or posting, people online are talking to other people online because they’re too scared, socially awkward, busy, or boring to meet people in person. In general, either they’re too busy with their real lives they don’t have time to actually meet, or they don’t have enough interests to get them out of the house to socialize with people with similar interests.

Seriously, once I was talking to a guy on OKCupid and I asked him what he liked to do. His response was, “I dunno, watch TV and jack off.” Real winner. Never met that guy.

Another guy I met during that time had a job that required travel, was part of a circus performance acrobatic group, had a primary girlfriend plus kids along with other girlfriends and a large social circle. We went on one date, had great chemistry and even kissed at the end of the night with the promise of a second date that never happened because he had a life that couldn’t handle one more person.

Yet another guy I met on eHarmony of all places was a 26 year old virgin who still lived at home and had an anime/manga collection that would make Japanese people nervous.

And then there’s the slew of people who I’ve had great conversations with online, via text and even on the phone, that flaked when it came time to meet in person and were never heard from again.

I’m not gonna lie and say it was always the other person who was a loser. I’ve been the flake who was too scared or socially awkward to meet up at times. So for the past couple of years, I’ve only turned to the internet to date when I a) didn’t really want to meet someone, I just wanted to talk, b) was in a new place and didn’t know anyone, or c) was desperate and didn’t really care about the quality of the person I met (eg Craigslist hookups).

This time, I guess it would fall under category b, not that I’m in a new place physically but we’re in a new place with polyamory and don’t know people who are into that.

Still, I know better. My landlord (also polyamorous and a relationship therapist) even gave me some resources for meeting other poly people in the area, like Kamala Devi, a poly advocate who runs meetups and other poly activities in San Diego. It would be a better use of my time to go to one of her Poly Potlucks than to cruise OKCupid but it also means really getting out there, being social and meeting people.

As much as I want that, I’m struggling with being antisocial right now (mostly due to the pregnancy/hormones/feeling fat) and worried that Johnny won’t want to go. I’m scared that he’ll get overwhelmed or won’t fit in. And it’s far to drive. And it’s a lot of time. And we’re lazy. I can go on with excuses but all I’m doing is just that: making excuses.

Meeting people online is not the way to go. If he wants to keep looking for girls online that’s fine with me, because either he will have success or he will have the same difficulties as me and stop looking. For me, it will only lead to disappointment and frustration, so I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m going to find out when the next poly event is and sign up.

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One thought on “Down with Online Dating

  1. So you’re criticizing people who have not enough of a life for you (virgins who live “at home”–because beign poly requires experience, and non-traditional living situations are still not acceptable even for those in non-traditional relationships) as well as people who have too much of a life for you. Where is your proof that people you meet in bars or meetups (which are formed online) would not be the same? Either way it’s you judging someone you dont’ know based on material characteristics.

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